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 Behavior
Management 
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| Q | What should I do if the child I am babysitting hits me? |
| A | Occasionally you may have to deal with this behavior - it is not that unusual in small children, but they need to learn the rules. Firmly tell the child you do not allow hitting. You may need to have the child take a break ( one minute per year of age, up to five minutes) and then start over. If the child hits you more than once, be sure to tell his parents. Then ask his parents to tell you what they do when this happens. For safety reasons you must be in control. Remember, do not hit the child or use any physical punishment. |
| Q | How should I handle a young child who threatens to tell his parent that I’m mean when I’m enforcing the rules such as time for bed? |
| A | Usually, a child who threatens
to “tell on” you when you are babysitting is
just testing you and has no intention of carrying out the
threat. The situation is similar to a child saying,
“You’re not my mother, and I don’t have to
mind you.” But, of course, the child does have to
mind because you are the official parent substitute and
it is your responsibility to carry out the family rules.
If this situation happens to you, you should:
Even though you don’t want to have a young child call you a “mean babysitter,” you must follow the family rules. Each time you allow a child to stretch the rules, you set yourself up for a repeat performance at the next babysitting job. Remember that having the parent go over the rules in front of the child before they leave makes your job a lot easier. If you “stick to your guns,” you may be surprised how easy it becomes to enforce the rules and still be the child’s favorite sitter! |
| Q | I think I might have trouble controlling my temper when the kids do something over and over after I've told them a hundred times to stop. What should I do? |
| A | Children can be lots of fun,
but they can also be very difficult. There are several
aspects of this problem that we need to discuss.
Children's personalities vary, and some personalities may
fit better with yours than others. You may babysit with
some children with whom you never get angry and with
others where you find yourself angry about behavior every
time you sit. Acknowledging the fact that there is a
recurrent problem is a first step in solving the problem.
The second step is to examine the situation to see if it
fixable. If short jobs, infrequent jobs or daytime jobs
go better, then only accept the jobs offered under these
conditions. If that doesn't work, you need to go to the
third step, which is to give up that customer. You may
have a personality conflict with the child or there may be some behavior (screaming) of the child that
consistently triggers your anger. While you may be
reluctant to give up the job, in the end it will better
for you and the child. Another thing that complicates caring for children is that children are very sensitive to the mood of the person taking care of them. When a child senses that you are happy with lots of energy, the child is likely to want to play actively -- outside, play ball, ride a riding toy. That kind of sensitivity is good for you and the child. However, when a child senses you are tired and need your own down time, the child is likely to become demanding. What the child wants is attention. If he or she can't get your attention by being good, then the child may test limits. The child senses your need for down time but responds by clinging or acting up. The child is not trying to be bad; just to get you to interact. You need to know some things you can do when you need space. First of all, you need to remember that you don't have the option to have physical space -- you can't leave -- so you have to substitute mental space. You can get mental space by:
Remember that Safe Sitters must always be in control -- of the children and of themselves. Being angry is human, but you must be in control of it. If you can't shake your anger or frustration by the hints above, you may need to call the child's parent to come home. You can help to avoid situations where you feel out of control by screening your babysitting jobs and by not accepting jobs when you can predict you will be tired or stressed. Don't overbook yourself. Remember that you need to save time for yourself. |
| Q | What can I do if a child keeps crying after the parent(s) leave, and he or she WON'T stop? |
| A | Crying when parents leave is a
very common problem, especially for the toddler. There
are many reasons why this is true. Some of the reasons
are unique for toddlers, and some of the reasons apply to
everyone at every age. Separating is especially difficult when you know very little language. Children who have only a few words to ask for help or comfort may not be able to communicate with a stranger. Remember that parents understand when a child says "baba" or "bankie" that the child is not only asking for a favorite blanket but is saying, "I feel sad, and I need someone to sit down and comfort me." Parents frequently have whole routines that are triggered by a single word from a toddler, "Dink" not only means drink, but it means a search for the particular drink the child has in mind. It's tough to be a toddler! And it takes patience to care for a toddler! Another problem unique to toddlers is their struggle to become independent and to do things for themselves. Toddlers have so many skills to learn. They are learning to walk, to climb, to pick up small things, to take off their clothes and to stack things. A lot of the things that they try to do, they don't do very well. They frequently need help, but they don't want help. Having a parent available means having help available. There are even more problems that toddlers face. They can't tell time, so they have no idea when their parents will return. For a toddler the only time is NOW and last of all, some toddlers still haven't learned that something is not gone forever just because you can't see it. You can imagine how awful that would make separation. Comforting a crying child takes patience and understanding. Knowing why the child is crying may help give you the patience you need to cope. Remember that arriving early so that the child gets used to you might help. It might help to offer a favorite toy or blanket. Repeating "mommy and daddy will be back" and playing peek-a-boo may reassure the child that things don't disappear. Distraction is usually the best solution. It works best if you allow a little time for the child to cry while you offer comfort. When the child's crying begins to wind down, you should begin some fun activity. It helps if the parents give suggestions for things the child especially likes to do. Singing or clapping or acting like a clown can usually make a child smile. Be inventive. Be patient. Stay calm. If all your best tricks and games won't work, you may need to call the parents. Remember, you never want to have a child cry for longer than 20 minutes without asking for help in calming the child down. The parents may be able to give you good ideas by phone, or they may have to come home. Don't feel bad if this happens. Parents of toddlers know how hard it is to keep them happy. Before you sit for the child again, you might consider spending some time with the child when the parents are home to help the child get used to you. You might suggest an even earlier arrival time before the next job. Most parents will be impressed with your interest in helping their child master separation. Saying good-bye to people we love is hard for all of us, but it's probably hardest for toddlers. |
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